my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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