you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
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She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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