Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize