"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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