And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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