ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize