You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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