Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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