i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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