i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
