but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
