at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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