I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
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i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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