Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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