Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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