I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize