What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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