lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
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door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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