Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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