Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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