Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
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theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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