I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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