i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize