So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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