watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize