Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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