Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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