I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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