May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
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I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
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Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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