You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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