I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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