My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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