You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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