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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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