i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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