Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
