I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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