Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I forget how to act sober
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