drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize