Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
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You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
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It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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