I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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