My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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