if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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