my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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