Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize