So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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