Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize