Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
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I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
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It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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