Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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