her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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