dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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